Anger

Well my anger problem is skyrocketing.....and fast. I get so frustrated ALL the time and i seem to give up on everything very quickly. I hate when teachers make you *use your imagination* I don't fucking want to use it....just tell me what to do and I'll do it. I just cant stand projects and people. I cant take it anymore...I think i need some anger management cuz i am an angry person.

anyways the end of my sophomore year is fast approaching and idk if im ready for Junior year!! i have no fun classes except for band and that's also alot of work. Plus i still haven't gotten rid of my need for procrastination....and focusing....and controlling my anger....lol.

I just hope that junior year i will change into an actual good student and work hard and ask for help with things i dont understand

well I needed to vent....so keep reading my blog/.

Body Aches

Idk whats wrong with me but i think my rib cage is too big 4 my body!!! it hurts to sit and lay down. Idk right now.

West fest: people got arrested. Play alot of guitar hero II, earned alot of money for engineering, had alot fun, Drank alot of coca cola. Missed what happened with the girls that got arrested. Hung out with friends...i didnt do alot besides my GHII booth but did have fun.

This week: 3 day week(4 day weekend!) Don't know what i'm going to do but hopefully go see Harold & Kumar 2 and be with my friends yay!

PLBBBBH idk what else to say not much going on in the life of MarloCarlo.

[Insert title here]

Today was my swim meet. I was only able to do 2 events.....but i'm not complaining. After the swim meet i went to view the body of a girl that died from my school at the funeral home. i really want to go to her funeral but im in school at that time and i feel like her friends and family should be there instead of people that didnt realt even know her. I know i didnt i wanted to go just for everybody else that needed comforting or something but since i have no ride im not going.

But today is west fest and so that should be good =]

So I went to church.....

for the first time in like 2 years. It wasn't my church but it was church. It wasn't like my old church where its boring. The woman was surprisingly funny and really nice. I mean it was weird because my views on church and God have changed drastically since the last time i went to church. Its crazy cuz i really dont know what i believe in anymore and i didnt really listen to her...i know i should have but it was kinda hard to focus. Anyways Last night was fun. I know i was complaining about not having any friends but it tuns out that my friends phone is hella fucked up and so e couldn't get any of her texts or calls =] but this other girl called me and invited me over.

we stayed up til 6am in my friends car makin videos and talking and roastin MORE marshmallows. So i guess it turns out i do have friends after all.

Orange on my bed

I keep looking at this dang orange on my bed and it just sits there wanting me to eat it...but i cant. I want to but just can't i will eat it but not right now.

And for some reason it makes me angry. But i think the real reason I'm angry is because it's saturday and I'm home alone again. I mean i did get invited to the mall but if i went i would only get an hour there so that plan was ruined and lucky me nothing else came my way. Now i get to sit and roast marshmallows with my mom. Not that shes boring its just no teenager wants spend their Saturday night with their parents.
I hate being alone because it makes me feel so much more lonely than usual. and that i have no friends even though i do..just not anyone i really wanna hang out with. cuz most of my Friends don't wanna do the stuff i wanna do lol. anyways it's just one of those weekends.

Midnight Boredom

I cant figure out how to be rid of my boredom. I could play guitar hero but don't wanna get up. and i could myspace people...too bad no ones online. and I could sleep....BUT i'm not tired.
I was playin one of my favorite games...but it got annoying. So how do i get rid of my boredom....all i think about is what i COULD be doing if y friends didn't ignore my calls. When i think about it there is probably alot of people having the same problem as me...but none of them are my friends or they choose to stay home. Cuz if i had someone to chill with i would leave right now. o have someone come over. I cant WAIT til i turn 16 and can drive cuz when that happens I'm going to be making 2am trips to Denny's. It sux being 15 you cant do anything without it being illegal.

Stupid laws. Curfew= grrr.

I just wanna see a movie

Why cant i ever find someone to go to the movies with? All i wanna do is go see a movie or do soemthing with my friends. Why are they always busy? I mean seriously. I hate sitting at home i wish that my friends would call me back so I can actually do something besides sitting at home writing blogs and watching tv all night.
BLAH i need my best friend back!!! It sux whats happening to her. Her grandma just died.

Career Fair!!!

We had career fair at our school today.....and it wa boring. First i had to get up at 6am! to go to swim practice and boy was i tired thats the earliest i've ever gotten up in the morning i think...i mean ive stayed up ti.l 6 but never really gotten up. Anyways the career fair was boring. Speakers i wish to not of heard i almost fell asleep a ton of times. and i didnt even get to learn about other careers besides engineering. And we finally got to look around at other places all the good people were gone =[ and i ddint get anything cool.
But i did get a volunteer application to Rainbows United...which is like a place that helps children in need and i really wanna work with children at least for now..and even tho its not a job i could still help children and i think it would make me happy. plus volunteer work would be really good for college.
The best thing about today is that i got out of school at noon...the bad thing was that all i did today was CLEAN and man did i clean. I pulled out the big guns and went clean crazy. And tonight is not looking so fun either.....Probably home alone again because all my friends I *guess* are busy

Faith?

I'm confused about God. I want to believe in him but how can i believe in the bible? Its a book. I don't know what i believe anymore. its so confusing.

I mean i think i really do believe in God but i just don't know about the bible I really do need some kind of closure but no one can really give it to me. I firmly do not believe in evolution..no matter if i believe in god or not.

Life and faith and science are so weird. People have such different outlooks on life....It's hard to be in the middle between knowing what u believe in. I really don't know anything about myself really. When people ask me what I'm good at or my skills....i cant give them anything. I need closure on my life but the only person that can give it to me is me but how can i when i barely even know myself?

Such a sad mouring day

Today was basically the mourning of Alex. People wore black and red because that was her favorite colours. Everyone made posters, and t-shirts and everything.

And i felt so guilty because i was so upset that she died but at the same time happy because of what everyone is doing to remember her. I still can't over how guilty i felt. People came together and helped each other....and it sux to have such a beautiful thing happen for such a horrible, not understandable reason. Losing a family member/school mate is just a sad reason.

It's ok to mourn her death...but maybe should we be celebating her life? Hard to do because all you wanna do is just go to sleep and wake up and pretend like nothinf happened...i know i wanna do that. Celebrating a life cut so short may never happen no matter how much we want it. But i'm glad about all the people making things to remember her, and everyone writng letters to her family and just anything people are doing for her. I pray that her family, friends and anyone that cried for her and felt for her will be ok. and that we can all come together for her.

TV can be impacting???

Wow i just watched this show called Eli Stone. and omg its about one of my favorite shows on tv (but trust me theres alot more). anyways i love tv and i think i get a little too much into it. It just makes me so crazy. =]

Anyways this show is so awesome. And tonight was the season finale...and soo confuzzling. I couldnt stop watching. and i wont tell you the ending if you do watch the show but it was a bittersweet ending for me.


TV is so addicting its kinda like my drug(sometimes)
It.....i just can't explain it. every show i watch like sticks in my mind for a long time!

I freaking thank god 4 DVR!!!!!!!!!!!!! woo i love it!!!!!!

Do my "friends" really care?

I don't know anymore. I feel like no one knows me anymore or understands or cares. Without alyssa i dont really hang out with anyone. I have this one girl samantha...but the only time we hang out is when she has some room in her car. I always feel awkward whenever i talk to people. I dont really feel comfortable with anyone and i never feel like i belong. I do have friends but i feel like they don't like me very much.
I hate myself at times and feel worthless. and i KNOW i'm not but just feel like it sometimes. its weird. I need alyssa to be there more but she cant. we're so different and i wish we could be closer. i wanna be like friends that hang out everyday and not choose a boyfriend over her best friend. I wanna hag out with different people or the people i used to be able to hang with. Life is going haywire. I keep getting more and more confused. things r happening that are so awful i just want to cry with a friend and just talk about life. I need someone i can talk to about everything and anything. Its so hard being a teenager...I sometimes wish that i could just dissappear.
I need to get a handle on life and just figure out everything. and talk. and cry and laugh and just be me without trying to cover it up with my shyness. I'm sick of being shy but its not something you just get over like that. and i've been trying but its hard with everyone in this world judging you.......
I'm really am just kinda sick of waiting for my life to start.

Goals:
Not take life 4 granted
LIVE
Laugh Love
Make sure who my real friends are.
Tell people how i really feel
Figure out what i wanna do
Not be shy
Write.
Take lotz of photos
Swim harder & faster

gosh idk waht else but i'll think of something.

COOL PICS

R.I.P Alex Morales

A girl at my died today. she was only 17. A life with a bright future cut so short. A tremendous basketball ball player and a great friend. Everyone liked her...no one had anything negative to say about her.

I never really got to know her but it hurt me so much to think of her friends and family and to see all my friends that care for her so......it made me cry. I couldnt believe that something like this could happen at our school. Its so crazy and confusing and the school won't tell us anything and it just breaks my heart.

and also just thinking about the fact that it could've been one of my closest friends and that scares me sooo much and to even think about it now..everything thats going on is crazy and sad and i just wish i coul do more to help everyone closest to her.


Life is so precious and i wish that we wouldnt take it for granted cuz i know i can alot too. I know that she for sure did not take life for granted and that she lived a good life and even tho cut short she touched everyones lives....even mine


my heart goes out to everyone that knew her and loved her. to everyone at west. her family. friends
and anyonw that cried and cared for her.


RIP ALEX my heart gos to you and i know your in a good place
we all love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Swim meet, easy week, EUROPE =]

I had fun even though we went against probably thw two toughest teams in wichita....we p;ayed hard!!!

It sux cuz we cant win because our team is so small and points are awarded by how many girls you have in the wate each race...so its really not fair...but we live =]

anyways diving is the scariest thing to watch!!!! and the girls did very well...but still scary


I worked so hard and i swam 4 lengths of breaststroke and they disqualified me for SUPPOSEDLY doing the butterfly kick....but i know i didnt do it....stupid judges! oh well Im not doing breaststoke anymore is all i know....cuz i hate losing when working so hard.



Anyways this week is going to be a BREEZE....Tommorow i get to miss the first half of the day.
Thursday is Wesy Fest which is like a huge celebration for school and i'm doing a GUITAR HERO booth yay!!! Friday is a half day


Like i said.........breeze





omg!
I might get to go to EUROPE for a concert tour with a famous band or something but 16 days and 7 countries but the only problem is the payment!! can you say EXPENSIVE. But it's such a GREAT opportunity!! I really would want to go but 16 days without a cell phone. without people i know and withour internet I just dont know if i can do it alone.


I just can't get over it!

Writing

Boy do i SUCK at writing papers for school...when it come to my opinion...sure i can write fine. But when it comes to school and its something that barely makes any sense...it gets tough


Especially!! focusing. Like now for example i have a paper due tommorow, 2 pages and i have 3 pargraphs. HAHA and im blogging! UGH I need stop blogging and get to work hehe


I about to quit writing the stupid paper and keep blogging ust cuz i like it alot better.



But if you have any tips on focusing, or just help with teenage stuff

I could use it.

Engineering (and confused)

See, at my school we have academies. Business, Engineerig & Manufacturing, Fine Arts, and Health Science.

And I'm in the engineering.

I really thought I wanted to be an engineer, and now i'm in it for the next 2 years of high school. STUCK. And now i have no idea if i even WANT to be an engineer anymore...its very hard. We just built a marble sorter....and boy was that tough. Its basically building a machine.

I really like kids and animals and Idk i might want to go into a profession in that sort...but who knows. Im just really worried about this class.



I do get almost all As and not to brag but i am in the *national honors something or other* lol.
But I really don't feel smart and I really dont like school. I hate math, and Science makes NO sense to me. I cant even think of a simple experiment I want to do for that class...so how am i going to survive in the engineering world when i hate math and science????

I am smart...but with so much trouble focusing, and not knowing what i want to do, or what im good at I just dont know anything



Me= CONFUZZLED!

Being A Swimmer

IS HARD

I did not know HOW hard until today.

My freaking coach worked me soo damn hard today...I almost cried from the pain.
My side hurt like a ********************* (fill in the blanks).

Anyways I miss my old coach soo badly but i'm dealing with her. I'm going to swim a stroke in my meet and i am so worried about it...I hope I can do it.


Swimming is so hard. Believe me. Its probably one of the hardest sports....



My team is pretty good, but most girls don't seem to like me very much...well anyone really.
I don't know. LAUGH OUT LOOOOOOOUDDDDDD!!! =]]]]]]]]

My Life

Wake Up: 7:20

Lay in bed for like 5 minutes or so.

Brush my teeth. Get my school/swim stuff together.
Get dressed. Brush hair. Go to school.

SCHOOL::: BLAH BLAH work BLAH

3:10- Swim practice til 5:30

Go home. Get on my laptop(check myspace). Watch TV all night

10- do homework.
12- sleep


That is like everyday...usually doesnt change.


Maybe you didnt know.
But i wanted to tell about my boring. Boring LIFE.


I need to live.


=]

Makeup????

Dude I think I wanna start wearing makeup. I used to think it was a waste of time but i feel like I need it. I'm sick of being single and I'm just too damn shy to make the first move.

Maybe I dont need it....who knoes. Maybe I didnt wear it becuz i didnt know how to put it on. Actually I still dont know how to.

But yeah I just thought i should talk about that little piece of info =]